Not-So-Official Official Rules of Handball

Preface: After attending a local women's handball match, it was brought to my attention that my sports knowledge is not as well-rounded as I had thought. As an American, I have limited exposure to sports occurring outside of my country, and therefore at a disadvantage. Luckily for me, I am a relatively quick-learner, so within a short amount of time, I was able to figure out the rules of the game. After receiving the seal of approval from Adam--the papers were just sent out to get stamped--it is my pleasure to share with everyone (all two people who actually read this blog) the Not-So-Official Official Rules of Handball. (Note: the Rules are in order of my observations, not according to importance)

1. No kicking of the ball with your feet, unless you are the goalkeeper
2. When attempting to shoot at the goal, you must be behind what looks like a 3-point line in basketball
3. Goals are worth one point
4. If you bear hug another player who is in possession of the ball, the play is dead, indicated by a referee waving his arms and blowing a whistle
5. You are allowed to turn a bear hug into an MMA style choke out
6. There are 6 players from each team on the court, plus one goalkeeper each
7. Substitutions are made similar to hockey change-ups, where you just run in from the sideline
8. Stripping someone of their jersey is allowed (Note: tops only, pantsing someone is frowned upon as just plain dirty)
9. Body checking, shoving, and tripping other players is allowed, but only as individual actions. If any are combined, you get carded
10. Carding results in a one-on-one game of "dodgeball" where the fouled player gets a chance to pelt the ball as hard as they can at the goalkeeper from behind a small line on the court
11. Never, under any circumstances, can you hair pull. That's a bitch move and will get you beaten up
12. Constant shoving and poking of the player you are guarding is strongly advised, as the pure annoyance is enough to make them lose mental focus
13. There are two 30-minute rounds, in which time counts up, stopping only during 50-second timeouts

The combination of basketball, soccer, wrestling, and football found in this sport is enough to spark the interest of any sport-fanatic. I truly hope that the rules outlined above provide insight in what is sure to become the next-big-thing in the American sporting world.

Stay tuned for more exciting news...until then, szia!! (pronounced see-ya)